If a loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, time is precious and there are 5 things you need to do.  In part 1 of this article, we discussed determining your loved one’s wishes, helping your loved one document his love, and making sure his estate plan is comprehensive and up-to-date.

Here, we continue:

4.  Listen

Your loved one will likely feel the need to talk about his life and you are helping by simply listening.  He may at times feel angry, ripped off, wishful, sad, happy, satisfied, and scared.  All of these feelings are normal.

5.  Accept Help 

Recognize that you can’t provide everything your loved one needs and that others will feel better if they are able to help.  Let friends and family help where they can, recognizing that not all folks are good at the same things.

• Some family members may be good at dealing with professionals such as the estate planning attorney, CPA, insurance professional, and financial advisor.
• Others may work well with the doctors, nurses, social workers, and hospice team.
• Some may help by cleaning out the garage, while others help by making meals, getting the taxes filed, or running errands.
• Others may contribute by sitting beside or with physical care.

Three More Tips

If you missed it, please continue reading at 5 Things to Do When a Loved One is Dying (part 1 of 2.)

Legacy APC, A Trusts & Estates Law Firm is a member of the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys.

If a loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, time is precious and there are 5 things you need to do.

1.    Determine Your Loved One’s Wishes

Ask your loved one what he wants regarding end-of-life medical treatment, burial, and funeral services.

Specific questions would be:

• Do you want a living will so your life is not artificially extended with medical heroics and machines?
• Where do you want to be cared for?  A hospice facility or at home?
• Do you want to be cremated and/or buried?
• What kind of funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life would you like?

2.    Help Your Loved One Document His Love

Ask your loved one to leave a legacy by talking about his life and leaving physical evidence of his love through:

• Identifying the people and places in old pictures
• Taping a conversation about thoughts, family, and/or his life
• Leaving a letter to loved ones
• Leaving a sentimental gift to loved ones

3.    Make Sure Estate Planning Documents are Up to Date

Having a current and comprehensive estate plan will best ensure that your loved one’s wishes are carried out.

It also helps family members carry out those wishes with greater ease.

If the plan doesn’t reflect your loved one’s current wishes, is older than three years old, or isn’t comprehensive, encourage your loved one to update the estate plan right away.

Two More Tips

Please continue reading at 5 Things to Do When a Loved One is Dying (part 2 of 2.)

Legacy APC, A Trusts & Estates Law Firm is a member of the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys.

If you have an elderly loved one, ensure that he is able to live comfortably and that all estate planning affairs are handled.  In other words, take the time to review your loved one’s needs to ensure that everything is being handled appropriately.  If you need help, meet with an elder law – estate planning attorney.

• Make sure that your loved one has a full estate plan in place. If your loved one has never planned, now is the time to do so.  If there is planning in place, but it’s more than 3 years old, encourage your loved one to update.

An emergency may occur when your loved one is least expecting it and you want to make sure that he is fully protected.  If your loved one loses capacity to execute estate planning documents, you will have to go to court for a conservatorship proceeding.

Talk with your loved one about his estate planning to ensure that all matters have been handled.  This can also serve to bring a greater sense of peace to your loved one as well as to you and your family members.

• Make sure that your loved one’s healthcare needs are met. Is your loved one receiving proper medical attention?  Does he or she need more medical help as life unfolds?  Discuss your loved one’s health along with your loved one and his doctor to better understand current and probable future needs.
• Understand your loved one’s long term care insurance. If your loved one has long term care insurance, it’s important to make sure that you understand all of the terms.  Now is the time to carefully review all information.
• Consider funeral planning. Taking the time to plan ahead for funerals or memorial services can eliminate much stress in the future and can ensure that your loved one’s wishes are fully respected.  It’s important to discuss this option with your loved one.

Carefully review your loved one’s needs as well as the current plans in place.  It is in both your best interests and those of your loved one to make sure that your loved one has proper planning so that he continues to be protected.  If you have any questions about your elderly loved one’s estate planning needs, consult with a qualified elder law – estate planning attorney.

Legacy APC, A Trusts & Estates Law Firm is a member of the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys.

Many people wish to have some sort of service after they die.  If you would like a specific kind of service, burial, or celebration, then you need to jot down your thoughts and chat with your family members. 

• Chat with your family members

Let your loved ones know of your funeral considerations.  Jot down your thoughts and let your loved ones know where you have stored your instructions.  Loved ones are more likely to carry out your wishes if they understand them.

It is a good idea to keep your funeral instructions with your estate planning documents and other important papers.  Do not keep your funeral instructions in your safe deposit box and don’t put your instructions in your will.  Neither your safe deposit box nor your will are likely to be accessed before your funeral. 

• What would you like?

Consider what is important to you and to your family.  Do you want the body to be interred or cremated?  Do you want a funeral with the body present or a memorial service?  Do you want a wake or a life celebration?  Do you want the service to be held in a house of worship, in your back yard, on your front porch, at the beach, or another special place?  Do you want contributions to be made to a favorite charity in lieu of flowers?  Do you want certain scriptures or passages read?  Do you want certain songs sung?

• Prepaid  funerals

If you wish to have total control and/or to relieve all of the burden of planning from the shoulders of your loved ones, you can make arrangements directly with a funeral director.  You can prepay and make all of the choices described above. 

You can also make arrangements for burial and purchase a burial plot.  Be sure to keep your instructions, receipts, and burial plot deed with your estate planning documents and other important papers.

If you have questions about funeral considerations, consult with a qualified estate planning attorney.

Legacy APC, A Trusts & Estates Law Firm is a member of the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys.

If you have elderly parents, there are likely three generations in your family that all need estate planning: you, your parents, and your adult children. For those with elderly parents, there are important estate planning considerations:

• Your elderly parents may fear losing control of their finances and their lives. Proceed with caution and great respect.

• Your elderly parents may fear the onslaught of dementia. Gently support them in getting medical treatment and having open and honest discussions with the doctor.

• Sometimes, elderly parents attempt to hide symptoms of dementia because they are afraid and/or ashamed. Never shame. Always support.

• Elderly parents often deal with depression especially if they have failing health, the loss of a spouse, the loss of friends and siblings, and the loss of independence. Depression can be treated with medication. There is no reason anyone should suffer.

• Many elderly parents should not be driving, but they are hesitant to give up their driver’s license because it is the last line of defense in losing their independence. If your parents have a HIPAA release and your are authorized to do so, speak with your parents’ doctors about the driving issue.

• Talk to your elderly parents about estate planning. Gently ask what planning is already in place. If comprehensive and up to date planning is not in place, suggest that they meet with an estate planning attorney and offer to make the arrangements and drive them.

• Gently explain that if your parents don’t have powers of attorney for health care, you can’t help them with medical decisions and a court might have to intervene.

• Gently explain that if your parents don’t have powers of attorney for finances, you can’t help them with paying bills and taking care of day to day business. If they become too ill to take care of these matters themselves, the court will have to intervene.

• Court intervention is expensive, time consuming, an invasion of privacy, and public.

If you have questions about elderly parent estate planning considerations, consult with an estate planning attorney.

Legacy APC, A Trusts & Estates Law Firm is a member of the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys.